


ilomilo

by unsaved_joj



Category: Singer/Songwriter - Fandom
Genre: Angst/Comfort, Crying, Joji is sad, M/M, Separation Anxiety, brian goes to indonesia for a few months sometimes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-27 03:35:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18296033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsaved_joj/pseuds/unsaved_joj
Summary: separation anxiety





	ilomilo

hurry   
i’m worried 

brian saw the texts and felt his skin crawl. the brightness on his phone was sickening now, stinging his eyes, making his stomach turn. he wasn’t sure how to respond to this. he could feel his anxiety rising, hoping to whatever god was upstairs that joji wasn’t going to do something regretful. brian knew the trip was going to be long, that his family might make him stay a few more days to visit, that planes could get delayed or other traveling issues. joji said he’d be fine, he’d be okay, that he could just call him if things got bad. brian was suspicious but kissed him goodbye and hugged him for a little longer than usual. he could feel joji’s wet eyes on his back when he boarded the flight. now, riding home in the uber that picked him up from the airport, city lights and raindrops reflected on the car windows, he felt the homesickness and longing more than ever. brian could handle distance better-he’d dealt with it a lot-but joji could get messy. brian felt empathic, sensing the pain and the want from joji himself. he had the urge to tell the driver to start speeding, but kept quiet, his hands shaking as he typed. brian hadn’t eaten for a few hours.

im comin babe don’t worry  
just give me a few more minutes

brian shut his phone off, keeping the cool glass under his fingers. it was soothing for the time being. his driver wasn’t much for conversation, and brian didn’t know if that was good or bad, unsure of what he wanted. oh, who was he kidding. he wanted to know if he’d find joji dead in the fucking apartment. he winced at the thought, like tasting something sour. he just wanted to get home. his fingers vibrated.

please

brian felt the sting of anxiousness shoot up his legs and back like he was paralyzed. the chilling one word message made everything unbearable, the pain of not knowing choking him.   
“we’re close, right?” brian asked the driver, earning a quick nod. brian nodded in return, leaning back in his seat and letting out a low, long breath. he just had to hold out for hope.

the drive ended quickly after this, brian thanking the driver briefly before clambering out of the car with his luggage. the apartment stood before him, looming like an omen of some kind. the rain was cold and pounding, harsh against his hoodie, but the sound and smell of it managed to comfort him. joji liked rain too. he made his way inside, into the elevator and tapping his foot impatiently. he twirled his phone in his hand, trying to suppress his tremors, focusing on the cheesy elevator music and how he could possibly make a beat out of it. the ding sounded and he rushed through the hall to joji’s apartment, of which he also had a key. brian ended up dropping it onto the carpet, cursing himself for his fumbling hands, before unlocking the door and entering. he shut the door a little harshly, washing the room in darkness. no lamps were on, no sound except for the pitter-patter of rain. brian felt the panic start in him, breathing fast.  
“joji?” he yelled out, dropping down the suitcase and looking around. he skidded quickly into the kitchen, almost slipping. his eyes went to the living room, the darkened hallway,and nothing.   
“joji? joji!” he called again, and heard the familiar squeak of the bed. clambering down the hall, messy footsteps he only knew to be joji. sure enough, he appeared in the dark, his form blurred but still clear enough to be seen, face shining in the light from outside.   
“fuck.” joji stuttered out, moving quickly over to brian, swallowing him up in a crushing hug. it had been 3 months. brian could feel joji’s nails digging into him, tears wet on his neck, but he didn’t care. he’d never been more happy to see anyone.   
“i love you. i love you-” joji just kept repeating the phrase, helpless, falling into brian like he was home. brian couldn’t breathe.  
“i love you too, joji. you’re okay. i’m not going anywhere.” brian assured him, hugging joji in a vice grip.   
“i know. i kn-know but it was so fucking cold and i was alone and i hated myself for being weak, and-” joji’s breathing was scattered. brian held him at arm's’ length, hands holding his face, thumbing his plump cheeks. seeing him now, eyes adjusted to the dark, brian felt sick. his eyes were red, so red he almost looked high, brimming with tears that dampened his skin and highlighted his eyebags. hopeless. 

“you aren’t breathing.” joji just stared at this, lip quivering. he swallowed hard, closing his eyes and breathing deep through his nose.   
“i’m sorry.”  
“don’t apologize.” brian’s voice was shaking but he couldn’t help it. he held joji close again, closing his eyes and taking in his scent. ramen and cologne. familiarity. they stood in the kitchen for a while, hanging on each other, pressing messy kisses on skin, just breathing each other in. their hearts had slowed, beating together and contently. things were normal again, and the realization was exhausting. brian wanted to collapse on the floor and just sleep, but he had someone else who he wanted to pay his attention to.  
“sorry about this bullshit. i know you’re tired.” joji pulled away, leaning his back against the counter. brian shrugged.  
“‘s okay. i’m just glad i’m here. with you.” he tried to smile but the lack of sleep turned it into a grimace. joji smiled back, managing to look pretty after crying on and off for hours.   
“let me get you to bed.” joji moved forward, putting his hands under brian’s back and legs, lifting him up into the air. brian snorted, leaning into him as he was brought into the bedroom. the night continued with the two sliding into bed, listening to the gentle rain, breathing in synch, and dreaming of nothingness. brian was just happy to be here, happy for joji to be okay, and happy to be lying in bed with someone he’d travel 10,046 miles for. there was nothing to worry over.

**Author's Note:**

> hope u enjoyed my sad shit, leave some feedback


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